When the Spawn Hits: Ridiculously-Named Celeb Kids

Stars seem to have it all: good looks, millions of fans, wealth and badly-named beautiful kids. Here are some unlucky children who’ll scorn their Hollywood parents for their names someday:Bluebell Madonna Halliwel (Geri Halliwel)Ginger Spice might have been drunk on ginger ale on her hospital bed when she decided to name her kid Bluebell Madonna. Her adorable baby girl is 3 years old, and probably 6 years away from a daily ridicule marathon she’ll experience in school.Jermajesty Jackson (Jermaine Jackson)Now this is a kid who’s so cursed to have a dad whose manifesto is to continue the family’s legacy of freak show. His uncle Michael, and aunts Le Toya and Janet all went through some zombification and renounced their great fame. The former Jackson 5 member dad didn’t want his son to be put away from the spotlight, so he named him Jermajesty. That’s right Jermajesty Jackson. Jermaine might have foreseen that his son will turn out to be good-looking and might not need a cosmetic overhaul like the rest of his family, so he gave the little boy a pass that’s as legit as the constitution: A nasty name that’s good enough for a hip-hop act. No stage name needed, just add talent.Denim Braxton (Toni Braxton)The Grammy-Award winner and recent bankruptcy filer sure loves her washed-up fashion, so much that she named her son Denim Braxton. I have a feeling Toni and the makers of Levi’s and Lucky Brand had a little deal, “We’ll hook you up with our model but if he impregnates you, it is a must that you name your spawn after our god”. His name might not be a hit in elementary and high school, but wait ‘till he enters fashion school. I can see his fashion groupies stealing away his id’s as souvenir.Talulah Belle Willis (Demi Moore and Bruce Willis)Before the oddly-spelled pairings of BrAngelina and TomKat, Demi Moore and Bruce Willis used to be Hollywood’s hottest couple. And like them, they also have a knack for stupid baby names. Shiloh and Suri ain’t got nothin’ on Talulah Belle. Talulah’s big sis Rumer Willis might have been saved from such an atrocious labeling, but her Jay Leno jaw sure is worse than something you can fix with a clever nickname.Dweezil, Ahmet, Moonshine Unit and Diva Tumbleweed Zappa (Frank Zappa)Frank Zappa used to be the king of the world, and he used to tell his little princes and princesses that they will always be in trouble because of their last name. True enough, with these kinds of first names, their surname’s just a little bit unnoticeable. Moonshine Unit, Diva Tumbleweed, Ahmet and Dweezil are all grown up and won’t probably visit their father in the cemetery complaining about how ridiculous their names are. If Frank Zappa didn’t rule the world in the 70’s, Moonshine unit and diva Tumbleweed might have been part of an epic “I went to school with kids named Tumbleweed and Moonshine, wanna hang out?” pick-up line.Pilot Inspektor Reisgraf Lee (Jason Lee)Everyone knew Jason Lee likes to make everything a little bit funnier, but none of us thought that he’ll go to the extreme funny by naming his son Pilot Inspektor Reisgraf. Named after a Grandaddy song’s first line “He’s dumb, he’s the pilot”, this kid has the whole world worrying about how he’ll settle legal papers someday with this kind of name. I can already visualize the collage of his teachers, bosses, and everyone else’s dumbfounded reactions upon hearing or reading his name. I can’t stop picturing him inside a classroom raising his hand to recite and the teacher will say, “Yes, Pilot Inspektor!” It’s as clear as the day that this kid will be the most popular boy in pre-school to grade school. I can imagine his classmates complaining to their parents why they gave them such boring names like Luke or Christian, while they should’ve given them something way cooler like Seargent Detektive. I just can’t seem to imagine what it’ll be like when he enters college or when goes to work for a corporate bank.